Enlightening Answers: Feeling Alone and Feeling Disconnected

Hello, I’m currently in a relationship, but I sometimes feel like I’m alone instead of being part of a couple. It seems he’s very selfish about things and the time he spends with me. How can I change this or just walk away? He says he’s trying to change and it will change.

Stuck on Mr. Selfish


Dear Stuck,

Ah, the old, “Baby, I’ll change” routine. Here’s the deal – I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating: people only give what they naturally give. You cannot make someone give you more. They are going to give what they are inclined to give in all areas – their time, attention, affection, money, sex, whatever… If he’s selfish, then he’s selfish. He was this way before you met him, and will stay this way long after you leave. It’s not something you have any power over at all. It’s your job to discover if a man can meet your needs or not by communicating what they are – and to leave those that don’t. I feel for you. You are stuck on him, but with time would be stuck on someone else. Make sure the next man is as giving as you require.

Good luck,

I’m going out with a man. I enjoy his company and we get along. However, there are times that we don’t connect. I dislike his political views and we disconnect physically at times. I have a hard time kissing him but sometimes it’s okay. I’m confused. He wants more and I feel unsure although I get jealous if I know he has gone out with someone else. What do I do? It will be almost a year that we’ve been in this situation. Lately, we’ve gotten closer but now we’re back at a distance.

Miss Hot And Cold


Dear Miss,

You’re not confused, you’re attached. Your situation actually isn’t confusing at all – this guy isn’t your guy. After a year if the best it ever gets between you are that his kisses are just okay and you can’t decide what to do, you need to set the poor man free. (Unless you’re always this way in relationships – then you need therapy to heal your “fear of intimacy” issues.) He sounds like a good guy you have a nice friendship with, but not that wowza connection that you should for a romantic partner. You’ve given it a chance and need to forgive yourself, and trust that you can feel more for someone else. When you find the man for you, you won’t be confused. You’ll be thrilled. Go get him.


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