How Comparisons Can Destroy Your Relationship

Navigating through any relationship takes strength, wisdom, patience and love, among other things. As humans, we naturally look to those around us for advice, perspective and knowledge. While viewing other relationships outside of our own can offer some insight into our own, it is often damaging to compare your partnership to those of other couples. The-grass-is-always-greener viewpoint is often irrelevant, since you don’t have all the facts required to properly assess the relationship. Here are a few reasons why comparing your relationship to others can be ineffective at best and destructive at worst.

Behind Closed Doors

The problem with comparing yourself to other people is that you never have all of the information. You’re making assumptions based only on part of the facts, but the reality is that unless you’re in the relationship, you’ll never fully grasp its delicate dynamic. This truth, coupled with the fact that people tend to present their best face to the public, exemplifies why your comparisons cannot be based in complete accuracy. You then judge the quality of your relationship by something which essentially doesn’t exist.

No Two Relationships Are Alike

As relationships are comprised of two unique individuals, bringing different life experiences to the relationship, no two couples are alike. To judge the quality of your relationship on whether the two of you have the same dynamic as other couples is a waste of time. No one can tell you how your relationship should be, especially since what works for some people definitely doesn’t work for others. All you need to be sure of is if the two of you work, with your individual and distinct personalities that make your relationship uniquely yours.

Keeping the Focus Outside of the Relationship

By constantly comparing your relationship to others, you are cheating yourselves out of time and energy better spent focusing on the two of you. Considering the amount of effort and work that goes into a relationship, busying yourself worrying about others will only take away from what you as a couple have. Don’t worry so much about what the neighbors are doing; instead work on strengthening the bond between the two of you.

While it is easy to fall into comparing ourselves to others, it rarely benefits us unless other lifestyles inspire us. In this sense, it’s good to appreciate what others have worked hard to achieve—and to use that as inspiration—as we work towards our own relationship goals. But use your wisdom in assessing the quality of your relationship, and appreciate the uniqueness that the two of you bring into the partnership. It’s good to remember the flipside of the adage “The grass is always greener”: ”You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.”

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7 thoughts on “How Comparisons Can Destroy Your Relationship

  1. Pingback: How to Have a Better Relationship with Yourself

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  3. Myra

    I was living in a lie relationship. I was with an american guy he is from Illinois, chicago. He was escorting me for almost 1 year then i accept his proposals for living together he promised to marry me and he said his ex-girlfriend they become good friends but there are time i heard him talking to her and say ‘ i love u ‘ or ‘ i miss u ‘ when i ask him regarding that words he reacted differently and say to me that as good friends expression. He talk sweet and lovable person. I give my life, we are living together for almost 7 years and i was faithfull and honest with him. I give him a shelter to my house and never ask any money for any cents from him, i cooked for him and supported him all the way and i never doubt him or suspect to him after all what he done to me, i was away for couple of months and i found out he cheated me, i was on my business and to check the area, i saw him together with the girl and i followed next to his car to show him that i caught them but i decide to break up with him and i don’ want even to see his face any more i feel disgusted and sorry to myself what a foul i am because i trusted him so much but at least i learn a lesson but thanks god that i found my soul mate.

  4. Vicki Helmer

    I was with someone who is addicted to a bad drug he became very violent I knew he took a handful of pills I had my car packed up with my clothes getting ready leave him but I had to make sure he did not overdose I was unlocking my car when he came out and grabbed me by the throat and punched me in the mouth I was bleeding I fell to the ground and passed out for a minute then I was able to run accross the street to call 911 he was arrested for attacking me

  5. m. Carroll Jr

    This happened a while ago…My girlfriend (whom I loved dearly) told me she was some other man’s prostitute. One day at the organization we belonged to, there was a slide show up in front to the meeting show where everybody could see…she was on some other man’s lap. Everybody was asking me “Marty, isn’t that your girlfriend?” And all i could say was admit-yes! then shortly there after, we broke up. Why she, or any other woman put a man throught this???

    M. Carroll Jr ( Marty).

  6. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Hi Alina,

    This is , in my humble opinion, your best article to date !!!

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500


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