Red Responds: Overeating and Overspending

Dear Red,

Things are not going well at all in my life. First I am on the brink of divorcing and am not yet financially able to see a way of being on my own. I do know what I want to do for a living but am struggling with studying the manual to take the exam for a Real Estate license. I currently am not working and need a job to make it while I am trying to get into Real Estate. I feel so blocked sometimes and paralyzed by fear that it seems to control everything I do. I do feel that I have the potential to do the things that I desire but am having a very difficult time tapping into that strength that I need to achieve them. Besides this, I struggle with overeating and overspending to compensate for the loneliness I feel. I am trying desperately to hold on to what little self-confidence and self esteem I have. I really need your advice.

Thanks so much.
Pamela in TN

Dear Pamela,

Things are definitely quite hard around you at the moment, and there is no quick or easy way to change that. Sometimes the people in this world who seem to be most deserving of a break are the ones who have to fight for it every step of the way.

First, and I hate to confirm your fears, your financial situation is precarious. While it is scary, precarious is much better than devastating. As for your overspending, it is a compulsion that is becoming a habit. Because you recognize it for what it is, you can take steps to change it. One way to try to curb your spending is to write out a budget so that you can see what the necessities of life are costing you. Then, when the buying bug hits you, rather than make the purchase, keep a list of the things you would like to buy, and hold off on actually making the purchase for one week. You will fairly quickly see the money you’ve saved, and usually find that you didn’t truly want or need what you almost bought.

As far as you Real Estate ventures go, you will be successful. In the meantime, you may want to try and see if you can get work or something like an internship with a realtor near you. That would be most beneficial to your endeavors. Otherwise, there is a job opening that will be presenting… I believe it is at a bank. Either way, your paychecks aren’t presenting as anything fabulous, but it will be enough to help see you through until you get your settlement.

You need to take time out to breathe. While comfort food is comforting at the time, there are consequences. This seems to be one of the more challenging aspects for you. I would advise you to talk with your doctor to help you develop a plan to deal with the stress and your eating habits to keep you healthy. Extra weight is an energy zapper.

Your life is changing. While the changes may be difficult, the outcomes they bring are ultimately positive. Break things down into small, achievable goals. With each goal you reach, no matter how small, congratulate yourself. Sometimes rephrasing a thought is needed to maintain and nurture self-esteem. Instead of “I want/need”, “I did!” can do wonders. More than that, with each accomplishment, you will recognize that your fear will lessen, because you will be proving to yourself that you can, and will, take control of your life.

Brightest Blessings,
Ext. 9226

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