Trust or No Trust

Whether you’re in the midst of a blossoming romance or in the fully committed zone, the age of technology makes it all too easy to get the low down on your lover. While it’s healthy to yearn for your sidekick when you’re apart, things could be headed for trouble when your wondering mind leads you to snoop around in email accounts, mailboxes and phone logs, or to troll websites, looking for clues.

You ask yourself, “Why?” Your answer that you’re compelled to do it, and you remark to yourself, “doesn’t everybody?” No, no, and no! Whether you’ve accidentally hopped aboard the snoop-train, or you’re dangerously close to climbing in, ask yourself: how far is too far?

What’s healthy?
In relationships, intrigue is innate. Mystery around your loved one is alluring, and can be downright sexy. The journey of getting to know someone – on the inside and out – can be the most natural thing in the world. Yet snooping for details about someone’s on-line life can turn lethal if the power is misused. With a world of information at the tips of our fingers, all that data could be endless – but that doesn’t mean you should be seeking it out.

By turning to technology to learn about your squeeze, you could be missing out on the real gem – learning about someone on an in-person basis. Words and pictures are nice, and Facebook friends are fun, but in the end the most exciting thing of all is to learn through that first-hand connection.

Too much information
Curiosity can kill not only the cat but your relationship – if you’re not careful. Our insatiable need for information is usually beneficial in a work setting, but it can be downright detrimental in a relationship. Dredging up details that someone is not ready to share is not in anyone’s best interests. If he won’t give you the whole story about why he and his ex broke up, that doesn’t mean you should pop into his inbox to find out more. If she told you she has only had two serious relationships – but you think that’s impossible given her good looks – that doesn’t give you license to start Googling. These behaviors may sound harmless, but they are invasive. Relationships are all about boundaries, after all, and respecting them. Also: snooping on the web, intercepting phone calls and steaming open snail mail is not only bad form – it’s also against the law. Who wants to be with someone who can’t respect your privacy?

Back off
Still not ready to ditch your nosy side? Here are more reasons to stop snooping and start truly connecting:

1. Passwords came into play for a reason – you’re not meant to see what’s behind those virtual walls.

2. Remember getting your hand stuck in the cookie jar? It meant no more cookies. If you’re caught sleuthing in a relationship, you can kiss it – and those home-baked treats – goodbye.

3. Relationships are built on trust – if you don’t have it, move on.

4. Snooping from afar or snuggling in person – which sounds like more fun?

5. Feeling, touching, discovery, expression and inflection are all things that can only be judged correctly in person.

6. As with driving, a “do not enter” sign means just that – don’t do it. If you do, you run the risk of endangering not only yourself, but others when you decide to sneak into “no go” zones (locked doors, mailboxes, envelopes, personal accounts).

There is such a thing as good and bad, cool and not-cool – it’s a matter of right and wrong. Prowling is no way to get up-close and personal with someone. So step away from that keyboard, stop clicking your devices and start connecting with someone you dig – instead of digging into their dirt.

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