Is His Mistress Really Out of the Picture?
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Dear Psychic Reed,
I have been dating the same guy for three years and we live together. He and I had a disagreement and I asked him to move out. He’s been out of the house for about a year. However, he still spends two nights a week with me. I wanted him to move back in months ago, but he says he’s not sure if it’s a good idea. He won’t call or text me for two or three days at a time and we only talk if I call him and he acts like he doesn’t want to talk to me. He only tells me he loves me when I try to leave him, and then he begs me to stay. I really love him, but it’s all so confusing.
I don’t think he knows what he wants anymore. Should I end the relationship or try to work on things with him? When I asked him to move out, I thought it was because he was cheating on me. It turns out I was right. There’s also been a mistress in the picture for about seven months. He told me she didn’t mean anything to him and he cut off all contact with her. However, his mistress is harassing me now. And, he still won’t move back in with me. The more I bring it up, the more he pushes away from me. He tells me to relax and let him run the show. To me, I feel like he just wants to manipulate me. Please help.
Psychic Reed ext. 5105 responds:
This man is just not good for you. I know you are heartbroken and would rather not break up, but if you don’t, you are settling for so much less than you deserve. He does love you, but this does not mean he will be able to meet your needs. He doesn’t want anything to change and he will keep stringing this along for as long as he can.
I do not believe he has cut off all contact with the mistress. I think he is distant from her and rarely returns her calls or messages, however, I think also there is short contact on rare occasions. He has tried ending things with her, but not very effectively.
You can’t relax and let him run the show. He certainly isn’t doing it well enough to keep it from interfering with your life. I can see why it feels like manipulation when he’s asking you to leave him in charge of something he continuously fails to get done.
I hear you saying “we live together” and “two nights a week” and “he won’t move back in.” This creates a huge grey area. While he lives with you, it’s only part-time. So it’s no wonder it’s confusing when he’s got one foot out and one foot in. This would be bad enough without the cheating or lying.
You deserve so much more and he isn’t giving it to you. It’s not that he doesn’t think you’re worth it and it’s not that he doesn’t love you. It’s that he’s dysfunctional. He lacks the emotional and relationship skills a person needs to function normally in a normal romance.
In your case, I don’t think it matters why he isn’t able to meet your needs; it’s enough that he isn’t able. If you buy a used car with stained seats, you didn’t stain them, but you still have a car with damage that you have to live with, no matter what caused it. Just know that what he’s doing is not your fault; you didn’t cause it. He was damaged before you got him, and you don’t have to live with it.
You’ll find your happy place and get the love you deserve from a new man much more quickly if you do everything you can to end contact with this man now. I’m going to recommend a book called, How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved by Sandra L. Brown. If you combine Sandra’s red-alert checklist with your own spiritual gifts and emotional skills, you’ll have a clear path to a new love who will be devoted, honest, tell you he loves you just because he woke up in the morning, and puts both feet firmly into the relationship with you. The next time you say “we live together” about a man, you’ll say it without confusion and without anxiety.
It’s time for you to get the type of partner you really want and need.
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