The holidays can be tough – particularly if you’re single and broken hearted. It doesn’t matter whether the breakup was last week, last month or even last year (or if prior to Thanksgiving weekend, you were certain you were over it!), in your mind, you’re alone and cold and miserable while everyone else is joyful and excited and living in romantic (if over-scheduled) bliss.
Or so it seems to you as you sip one too many glasses of mulled wine by yourself watching romantic holiday movies in front of the TV – the very same TV that touts all the gifts we should be buying for that special someone – or they should be buying for you! Indeed, more than any other time of year, love is everywhere at the holidays (albeit with a heavily consumerist slant). As such, it’s easy to drift off into happier times… times when you were in loooovveee.
But before you get totally lost in the ghosts of your past, take a tip from Ebeneezer Scrooge himself. Sure, look back – but only for as long as it takes to make you see the present more clearly – and (most importantly) to help you change your future.
A haunted past
There is nothing wrong with looking back fondly on a relationship you once had. In fact, it’s healthy. The problem, however, comes when you only remember the good and you waste your time longing for something that is not only gone, but by and large gone for a very good reason. Now your ex may have been perfect (though it’s not likely), and last Christmas season may have been the best of your life (so far anyway)… But more so than all the could’ve, should’ve, would’ve thinking, remember that time is a valuable commodity, and as long as you’re living in the past, you’re losing out on the most precious moments of all – right now!
Here and now
Here is where your power lies. You cannot change the past, and the future remains fluid based on what you choose to do with it. However, this very moment – right now – you have the control in your life. So if you want to have a sad day of remembrance for lost love, go for it. But don’t spend your whole season living in times gone by. Instead, make new memories.
We often make the mistake of thinking that the holidays are all about romantic love, when really they’re about familial sharing and generosity. Whether your family is the people you grew up with or some other conglomeration of friends, there are bound to be those in your life who you value. Dedicate this season to spending time with them – and letting them know how much they mean to you. The spirit of sharing says nothing about requiring a lover, so don’t let your singlehood stop you from having fun (or feeling happy for those who are coupled up around you). Ironically, the more you partake in holiday cheer (not the kind that comes in a bottle, incidentally!), the more likely a lover is to come along.
The ghost of holidays to come
The holiday season is a magical time by all accounts – it’s also a perfect time for making magic of the manifestation variety. After all, the world comes alive all around us, and emboldened by this unique energy, we tend to reach out more. Why not reach inside as well?
Take a little time this holiday to make your wish list for next year. If it’s love you’re after, picture what it looks like. No, not what your lover will physically appear as (although you can!), but rather, how you want to feel in a relationship. Decide who you’ll be in a relationship (ideally, your very best you) and genuinely open yourself up to the possibilities. Who knows, love may come around sooner than you think… certainly sooner than if you spend your December days dreaming of a ghost!
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