Red Responds: How Should She Confront Him?

Troubled in Aurora writes:

I just recently divorced after six years of marriage and a nine year relationship. I just found out that my ex-husband remarried again this past September. This is the third marriage for him – for me it’s my first. Our divorce was finalized in August 4. The thing is, we still live together and I found out about it on my own (his new wife lives in South America). He hasn’t told me anything and is extremely nice. I also lost my job of nine years and I haven’t had any luck finding one. How do I confront him about it or what should I do? Will things get better for me.

Dear Troubled,

Learning that your ex has remarried is certainly enough to put a damper on your day, but because he is your ex – there is really nothing that needs to be said. Eventually the whole story will come out – but now is not the time.

Your living arrangement seems to be working, but it isn’t going to last forever. The day will come when the two of you part ways. Rather than concern yourself with his personal life, your energy would be much better spent planning your future. Focus on finding work and rebuilding your self-esteem.

I see that you will find a job through an agency or employment center. While the position isn’t presenting as your dream job, it isn’t bad. I see you in an office setting, and the people seem to be very friendly. While you are unlikely to retire from this position, you will stay there for a couple of years, and then eventually change jobs in order to further your career and increase your salary.

As for your ex, his latest marriage seems to be on paper only. He didn’t tell you because he doesn’t want you to know, and he currently will have a hard time explaining himself. Let him feel as his secrets are safe, and he will continue being nice and supportive of you. Bringing the truth into the light now will only serve to make your life and living arrangement more tense, and will leave you with more questions than answers.

Not everything in life make sense, seems fair, moral, or just. But, that doesn’t change what is. As it stands, you are in a very transitional period of your life that may be confusing and painful. Yet ultimately it will lead to better days and happier times.

Brightest Blessings!
Ext. 9226

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