Red Responds: The Both Live With Their Parents

Desray in South Africa writes:

I am a 27-year-old woman, very in love with my boyfriend of almost three years. Without a doubt I want to spend the rest of my life with him and he with me. Our problem is we want to get married and have kids, but we are both very unhappy at our jobs. Meaning we can’t save for a wedding or a house as we both receive a very low salary.

We still live at home with our parents. He always says that soon he’ll have a better job and receive a good salary so that I can stay at home and one day look after our kids. My question is will we have our happy ending, being married, having kids and our own house and live happily ever after? Will that happen for us soon as we want kids desperately. His birthday is September 18, 1982 and mine is August 19, 1980.

Dear Desray,

It would be nice if real life followed what is written in the story books, but there is a reason that most stories are published as fiction.

Your dreams are very realistic and obtainable, but not quite in the manner in which you envision them. Unfortunately, there are many economic challenges that surround you and your boyfriend, and that isn’t likely to change quickly or dramatically. The job market in your area seems to be very challenging.

Every girl dreams about her wedding, but being married to the man you love is much more important than a festive affair. Just because you can’t afford a wedding doesn’t mean that you won’t have one – it just means that it will come together differently than you had planned.

With both of you living with your parents, you should be able to save at least a little money toward your future. Every little bit counts, and eventually begins to add up. While it will take a few more years, eventually each of you will have better paying jobs, which will help you to achieve the dream of a small home. However, your financial picture looks as though it will continue to be strained for quite some time, which doesn’t bode well for you to be a stay-at-home mom. Because this is a just a glimpse into the more distant future, with a little luck and a lot of effort, you two just may be able to prove that prediction wrong. I hope you can.

As much as the two of you wish to start a family of your own, unless you can continue to live with your parents or his, supporting a family is going to be quite challenging. Based on what I see now, you can either afford a home of your own or children, but financially – your life will be extremely hard if you try to have both in the near future.

The love the two of you share is strong – strong enough to go through the struggles and sacrifices that lie ahead of you. Take some time to figure out what is really important to you, and put as much effort and energy into making a realistic and workable plan to manifest your dreams – one step at a time.

You can have the things you want in this life – unfortunately, they don’t always manifest exactly the way you want them to – or as quickly.

I wish your both much happiness!

Best of luck,
Ext. 9226

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