Red Responds: Pretending to Be Happy

Dear Red:

I’ve been married for nearly 14 years and have discovered evidence of my husband’s infidelity. I’m so confused about whether or not I should leave. He has commented several times about “pretending to be happy,” but I’m concerned about making it on my own financially. I hate the job I have and want to do something totally different but am not sure what directly to go in. Any insight from you would be helpful.

– Margo in Johnston


Dear Margo, Walking away from a 14-year marriage is no minor step, and you feel as if you want to run. Your husband’s infidelity is an acceptable, tangible excuse. Both you and your husband come through as stuck in a routine, both pretending to be happy, and neither one of you is talking about it. The problems in your marriage go back years, and yet the two of you are still together. I don’t see your husband as being even the slightest bit open to counseling, which would do each of you as well as the marriage, wonders. So, before you pack your bags and throw in the towel, shake it up a little bit. Your husband essentially threw down the gauntlet when he broke his vows. Pick it up. Start living your life without the need for permission. Do the things you deny yourself from doing because he may not approve. This will catch his attention, not always in the most positive way, but it flings the doors to communication and honesty wide open. Rekindled passion will follow. As for career, success in real estate is all around you. Take some classes and explore it. This move is directly tied into you living for you once again, while still in the security of your marriage. It helps you to heal and take back your personal power, leads to the financial stability you wish to create for yourself, and can be viewed as part of an exit plan that you most likely will not need to carry out. Brightest blessings, Red Ext. 9226

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